the line before i kill myself

lurking with guilt
trapped in the battering winds,not free
eyes that want to to pardon me,walk away
another evil recognized
another life wasted
i still bear the stench

bloodshed
horror to horror
living with my lies
dont like it in me
purpose ?
why?
not this way...
not this way

its cold today

chocolate colors your lips dark ,
the dustbin by the window hides the truth
what did i desrve to make the ending so arrogant and loud,
two cups for coffee and one bowl for fruit salad,pAthetic
white lights beaming down as i walk past them seemingly
a repellant mistaken for a dome lamp in all its orange glory
wallpaper which moistens and sofens as it touches my hands
someones left a craters impression on the brown couch
which is the color on your lips

it doesnt rain when you have your raincoat on

understanding languages unknown
the world outside my glass is so agonizingly close
heading home , between a valley of clear blue skies
self doubting what would have been right
i cant look into her eyes
leather still fresh with good luck,swept away thankfully
glancing over dried gutters ,to a place i belong to...
my nights end in a prayer

end me

suffering from bouts of depression
hurting myself
scared
staring into oblivion
feeling useless
cant live this way

now what

standing on "not see through" ice
blazing suns crying foul overhead
melting all that i cried for
red seems to know it taken the name of blood
my feet seem surrounded by this sea
ahhh......my ribs are countable
is this my dream
it seems fatal....................

god i cant go on like this

i'll find it hard to get through morrow again
i'll find it hard to tell me friends that i hate them all
i'll find it hard to tell her that i liked her and still do.....
i'll find it hard to tell dad that he could have been rich
but i think............
i'll find it easy to kill myself

eddfest march 17 palace grounds

drugs , music and bad company
nevertheless will still feel like

"a fucking superstar "